As Christmas is approaching I can't help being drawn into the buy buy buy frenzy that seems to pick up energy as the big day approaches. I am also fighting it like crazy! I like the idea of St. Nicholas, the Saint who was a giver, who on the 5th comes and gives one present in a pair of shoes. I like the idea of one present on Christmas day, symbolising giving a present to a new baby, and I like the idea of the 6th of January when the 3 kings came to visit Christ each bringing a gift, for this to be another moment of giving. So why then do we give stockings full of presents to our children who lets face it don't really need any more 'stuff'?
Then, today I got triggered by a small boy wanting his dad to fill up his little 'car' with petrol, now these people are lovely lovely people, money isn't flowing in their life so why does this little boy (aged 5) have this, what I imagine to be expensive car? I know its fun bla, bla, bla BUT he doesn't need it. He next comes running out with a gun - if you have been reading my blog you can imagine my thoughts immediately one this one! 5 year olds DON'T need toy guns that make horrid very un-gun like noises. Their souls are still so innocent, so beautiful, and unless they are going to be a hunter why give it to them? THEN he says to my 2.5 year old do you want to come and see all my videos and games!!! I have to laugh at myself at this point. Again NOOOOOO look around you, look at the country we are surrounded by - we don't need these things. Just the same, girls don't need barbies with anorexic looking bodies, etc etc.
What shouts at me is what is all this un-needed 'stuff' doing to the sub-conscious part of our children's brains, psyche, and their souls?
We seem to have lost the art in how to be creative with our children. I have recently found some great 'how to' books for children in our local charity shop which has inspired me and my 2.5 year old to makes things which we then put on display and he LOVES looking at them, showing his father and grandparents so proudly what we have made. Surely isn't this more enriching for the soul, for building a relationship with our children, for inspiring the creative part of their brian for life?
From now on I am going to endeavor to teach my children about the giving Saint, St. Nicholas, celebrating the birth of baby Jesus and the gifts of the 3 kings, by buying small, hopefully supporting ethical producers and useful gifts that are needed rather than just wanted for 5 minutes and then forgotten about!
So getting back to the needs of our children, in my book what they really, really need not just at Christmas (but maybe this is a time for reflection on how we can give in other ways other than throwing cash at the problem) is love, attention, to be listened to, respected, felt heard, laughing and playing with their parents, sunggling and reading stories. Running outside, observing nature, splashing in puddles, eating nourishing food and feeling part of a loving family.
Mama Love,
Nixie
Tuesday, 6 December 2011
Thursday, 1 December 2011
Getting ready for a new baby...
I am writing this down partly for my own benefit so I remember and incase it might help others and/or prompt others to add their own suggestions!
Today I met a lovely man who asked if I would like a top tip on how to help no.1 adjust to no.2 arriving. Yes, of course, I am open to most things but did not guess in the slightest what he was going to tell me! Give no.1 the responsibility of the new babies feet and toes! It gives them a job to do, makes them feel good and gets them involved. Massage them, stroke them, are they the right temperature and so on. Brilliant!
Make with no.1 (or buy!) a cake so when the baby comes home we all celebrate the babies birthday. No. 1 gets to make the cake, eat the cake and blow the candle out.
Read Siblings without Rivalry - a brilliant brilliant book
Not only buy a present from the baby to no.1 but also get a present for no.1 to give to no. 2. I have just brought 2 little finger puppet mice and my 2.5 year old is so excited not only to play with his puppet but also to give one to the baby. In fact a baby came round for tea today and no.1 asked for the babies mouse and he ran and put it next to the sleeping baby that came to tea!
Read Brunus and the New Bear and Hello Baby to prepare no.1 for the arrival. Both lovely lovely books.
No.1 has come to all our appointments and gets to touch mama's tummy to feel the baby whenever he likes so he has some idea of what is happening. Whenever I hold another baby I gently say 'this is what we are going to have soon.' He always wants to hold the baby which he has been able to do and I say something along the lines of "the baby is so lucky to be held by you, you are so gentle, goodness this is a lucky baby."
I am gently making no.1 wait a little longer on some things so that he starts getting used to me not being able to do everything with him instantly.
Every evening I am massaging my tummy with the baby massage tummy oil so that when the baby arrives the oil I use on her/him will be known by them.
I chant 'head down, chin in, back to tummy, arms down' regularly! And visualise the baby being in the right position.
Have 2 baby pillows either side of me when I sleep so that when I turn in the night there is always something ready to support my tummy.
I would really recommend watching Ina May Gaskin's talks on Natural Childbirth on You Tube as she gives some great tips about how to make labour easier.
On top of all of this I practice yoga, meditation, chanting, drinking pregnancy related herbal teas, taking pregnancy related vitamins, minerals and fish oils, drinking green smoothies, going to bed early, walking my dogs for about an hour everyday and I feel really really great. Each pregnancy is different and most importantly you must listen to your own bodies needs and follow its wisdom.
Mama love,
Nixie xxx
Today I met a lovely man who asked if I would like a top tip on how to help no.1 adjust to no.2 arriving. Yes, of course, I am open to most things but did not guess in the slightest what he was going to tell me! Give no.1 the responsibility of the new babies feet and toes! It gives them a job to do, makes them feel good and gets them involved. Massage them, stroke them, are they the right temperature and so on. Brilliant!
Make with no.1 (or buy!) a cake so when the baby comes home we all celebrate the babies birthday. No. 1 gets to make the cake, eat the cake and blow the candle out.
Read Siblings without Rivalry - a brilliant brilliant book
Not only buy a present from the baby to no.1 but also get a present for no.1 to give to no. 2. I have just brought 2 little finger puppet mice and my 2.5 year old is so excited not only to play with his puppet but also to give one to the baby. In fact a baby came round for tea today and no.1 asked for the babies mouse and he ran and put it next to the sleeping baby that came to tea!
Read Brunus and the New Bear and Hello Baby to prepare no.1 for the arrival. Both lovely lovely books.
No.1 has come to all our appointments and gets to touch mama's tummy to feel the baby whenever he likes so he has some idea of what is happening. Whenever I hold another baby I gently say 'this is what we are going to have soon.' He always wants to hold the baby which he has been able to do and I say something along the lines of "the baby is so lucky to be held by you, you are so gentle, goodness this is a lucky baby."
I am gently making no.1 wait a little longer on some things so that he starts getting used to me not being able to do everything with him instantly.
Every evening I am massaging my tummy with the baby massage tummy oil so that when the baby arrives the oil I use on her/him will be known by them.
I chant 'head down, chin in, back to tummy, arms down' regularly! And visualise the baby being in the right position.
Have 2 baby pillows either side of me when I sleep so that when I turn in the night there is always something ready to support my tummy.
I would really recommend watching Ina May Gaskin's talks on Natural Childbirth on You Tube as she gives some great tips about how to make labour easier.
On top of all of this I practice yoga, meditation, chanting, drinking pregnancy related herbal teas, taking pregnancy related vitamins, minerals and fish oils, drinking green smoothies, going to bed early, walking my dogs for about an hour everyday and I feel really really great. Each pregnancy is different and most importantly you must listen to your own bodies needs and follow its wisdom.
Mama love,
Nixie xxx
Friday, 11 November 2011
If you let your children watch TV, you need to read this article....and then you might decide otherwise!
Get the message: it's the medium
The evidence is incontrovertible: television rots the brain and ruins the body. We should see TV for what it is - the biggest public health threat of our time.
Aric Sigman
guardian.co.uk, Tuesday 20 February 2007 15.45 GMT
While controversy continues to surround the way the content of screen media affects our thoughts and behaviour, I have just reviewed a growing body of empirical evidence for the academic journal Biologist indicating that watching television causes physiological changes, and not for the better. Most of these effects occur irrespective of the type of programme people watch - whether it's Reservoir Dogs or the Teletubbies. It is the medium, not the message.
Reviewing 35 studies in well-respected scientific and medical journals, I identified 15 biological and cognitive effects linked to levels of television exposure. There was a dose-response relationship: both the average number of hours watched and the age at which a child begins watching television are central to the association with negative effects later on.
Those effects include alterations in activity, size and consistency of skin immune cells, an independent cause of obesity, changes in the endocrine and immune system, links with premature puberty in girls, subverting brain cell development underlying attention and impulse control, reducing cerebral blood flow and brain stimulation, sleeping disorders at all ages even from passive viewing, body-fat production, abnormal glucose metabolism and new Type 2 diabetes, a possible trigger for autism, lowered metabolic rate, raised blood cholesterol and risk for cardiovascular illness and death, substantial increases in child myopia. Most of these effects begin to appear at viewing levels far below the national average.
At the other end of the age spectrum, how much television we watch during our middle years (20-60) is now linked with the development of Alzheimer's disease. For each additional daily hour of middle-adulthood television viewing, the associated risk of Alzheimer's disease development increases. Watching television was described by the neuroscientists as "a non-intellectually stimulating activity" for brain function.
These salient findings occur at a time when the British population watches television for more hours and reads less than any other nation in Europe. The average six-year-old may have already spent more than one full year of their lives in front of a screen. When other screen time is included, the figure is far higher. Children aged 11 to 15 now spend 55% of their waking lives - 53 hours a week, seven and a half hours a day - watching TV and computers, an increase of 40% in a decade. More than half of three-year-olds now have a TV set in their bedrooms.
Given our sheer exposure time to this environmental factor, it is more than puzzling to consider how little awareness and action has resulted. Perhaps because television isn't a substance or a visibly risky activity, it has eluded the scrutiny that other health issues attract. As biological evidence is set to re-cast the role of the television screen as the greatest unacknowledged public health issue of our time, policy-makers and government should consider these issues urgently.
Perhaps a Recommended Daily Allowance (RDA) for screen time would make the point.
Dr Aric Sigman is a Member of the Institute of Biology and Associate Fellow of the British Psychological Society. He has travelled around the world to observe the influence of television, and has written a book Remotely Controlled summarising the empirical literature.
The evidence is incontrovertible: television rots the brain and ruins the body. We should see TV for what it is - the biggest public health threat of our time.
Aric Sigman
guardian.co.uk, Tuesday 20 February 2007 15.45 GMT
While controversy continues to surround the way the content of screen media affects our thoughts and behaviour, I have just reviewed a growing body of empirical evidence for the academic journal Biologist indicating that watching television causes physiological changes, and not for the better. Most of these effects occur irrespective of the type of programme people watch - whether it's Reservoir Dogs or the Teletubbies. It is the medium, not the message.
Reviewing 35 studies in well-respected scientific and medical journals, I identified 15 biological and cognitive effects linked to levels of television exposure. There was a dose-response relationship: both the average number of hours watched and the age at which a child begins watching television are central to the association with negative effects later on.
Those effects include alterations in activity, size and consistency of skin immune cells, an independent cause of obesity, changes in the endocrine and immune system, links with premature puberty in girls, subverting brain cell development underlying attention and impulse control, reducing cerebral blood flow and brain stimulation, sleeping disorders at all ages even from passive viewing, body-fat production, abnormal glucose metabolism and new Type 2 diabetes, a possible trigger for autism, lowered metabolic rate, raised blood cholesterol and risk for cardiovascular illness and death, substantial increases in child myopia. Most of these effects begin to appear at viewing levels far below the national average.
At the other end of the age spectrum, how much television we watch during our middle years (20-60) is now linked with the development of Alzheimer's disease. For each additional daily hour of middle-adulthood television viewing, the associated risk of Alzheimer's disease development increases. Watching television was described by the neuroscientists as "a non-intellectually stimulating activity" for brain function.
These salient findings occur at a time when the British population watches television for more hours and reads less than any other nation in Europe. The average six-year-old may have already spent more than one full year of their lives in front of a screen. When other screen time is included, the figure is far higher. Children aged 11 to 15 now spend 55% of their waking lives - 53 hours a week, seven and a half hours a day - watching TV and computers, an increase of 40% in a decade. More than half of three-year-olds now have a TV set in their bedrooms.
Given our sheer exposure time to this environmental factor, it is more than puzzling to consider how little awareness and action has resulted. Perhaps because television isn't a substance or a visibly risky activity, it has eluded the scrutiny that other health issues attract. As biological evidence is set to re-cast the role of the television screen as the greatest unacknowledged public health issue of our time, policy-makers and government should consider these issues urgently.
Perhaps a Recommended Daily Allowance (RDA) for screen time would make the point.
Dr Aric Sigman is a Member of the Institute of Biology and Associate Fellow of the British Psychological Society. He has travelled around the world to observe the influence of television, and has written a book Remotely Controlled summarising the empirical literature.
Sunday, 25 September 2011
Are we Neglecting our children?
Reading this title on the front cover of The Week this week made me partly leap for joy. Which might make you wonder why. Because finally I feel that people are beginning to wake up to the emotional damage that our current lifestyles are doing to our children. Our current culture seems to be all about over indulging our children on every level, partly I believe out of guilt, out of our own insatiable appetite for wanting more and more 'things'. When are people going to wake up and realise that our children don't need or want 'things' in order to emotionally thrive, but just good old fashioned quality time with their parents, mucking about in the garden, being creative, spontaneous, exploring nature and so on?
I go on about emotions because at the end of the day I believe that if we are emotionally stable we are fundamentally happy and this certainly doesn't come from material wealth. I feel that the need for wanting more things in life has become an addiction which is very hard to let go of when we are surrounded by constant advertising tempting us to become like this person, or look like that or you must get this because it will make you happier. Rubbish.
So the next time your child cries and you want to give them something to cheer them up, or you want to buy them a present because you are feeling guilty that you haven't spent enough time with them, just stop and ask your self what do they need right now? My answer would be your presence and not your presents.
xx
I go on about emotions because at the end of the day I believe that if we are emotionally stable we are fundamentally happy and this certainly doesn't come from material wealth. I feel that the need for wanting more things in life has become an addiction which is very hard to let go of when we are surrounded by constant advertising tempting us to become like this person, or look like that or you must get this because it will make you happier. Rubbish.
So the next time your child cries and you want to give them something to cheer them up, or you want to buy them a present because you are feeling guilty that you haven't spent enough time with them, just stop and ask your self what do they need right now? My answer would be your presence and not your presents.
xx
Monday, 18 July 2011
Baby Wearing
Every time I see a baby - particularly the tiny ones in a push chair I want to cry. Why? Because I am an avid believer that babies NEED to be carried, to smell their mama (or papas), to hear their mama's heart beat (let alone her voice), to feel her warmth, to feel held like a baby feels in the womb, to be jiggled up and down. Alot of this has now been researched and shown to help colic, to help settle babies and so on. Saying this I didn't need research I just needed to listen to my instinct and I encourage you to listen to yours. When I put our wee son in a push chair it felt the weirdest and most un-natural thing I had done with him, yet when I wore him it felt right, totally right - for both of us.
My inspiration for carrying our son everywhere came from travelling in Guatemala some years back and I am not exaggerating but we never heard one baby cry - and every single one of them was being carried. Not a push chair in sight. And there were an awful lot of babies around!
For our sons first 18 months I carried him everywhere and he never minded being taken anywhere from supermarkets, to a noisy pub (not my usual hangout I hasten to add!) to a country walk - literally everywhere. What surprised me was that in the places that I'd least expect a positive response, people would come to me constantly saying how wonderful and what a lucky chap he was.
So I encourage you to carry your babies for as long as you can - there are great baby carriers out there - my two favourite were the Manduka and the Sleepy wrap because they fitted my body the best, but try them out and find the one that works for you. I am convinced that this helps to make a happy baby and happy mama and papa.
My inspiration for carrying our son everywhere came from travelling in Guatemala some years back and I am not exaggerating but we never heard one baby cry - and every single one of them was being carried. Not a push chair in sight. And there were an awful lot of babies around!
For our sons first 18 months I carried him everywhere and he never minded being taken anywhere from supermarkets, to a noisy pub (not my usual hangout I hasten to add!) to a country walk - literally everywhere. What surprised me was that in the places that I'd least expect a positive response, people would come to me constantly saying how wonderful and what a lucky chap he was.
So I encourage you to carry your babies for as long as you can - there are great baby carriers out there - my two favourite were the Manduka and the Sleepy wrap because they fitted my body the best, but try them out and find the one that works for you. I am convinced that this helps to make a happy baby and happy mama and papa.
Wednesday, 11 May 2011
An inspiring list...
I just came across this from Simple Living and wanted to share it here:
Ways to Slow Down
Turn off your TV
Leave your house
Know your neighbors
Look up when you are walking
Greet people
Sit on your front stoop
Plant flowers
Use your library
Play together
Buy local
Share what you have
Help a lost dog
Take children to the park
Garden together
Support neighborhood schools
Fix it even if you didn’t break it
Have pot lucks
Honor elders
Pick up litter
Read stories aloud
Dance in the street
Talk to the mail carrier
Listen to the birds
Put up a swing
Help carry something heavy
Barter for your goods and services
Start a tradition
Ask a question
Hire young people for odd jobs
Organize a block party
Bake/Cook extra and share
Ask for help when you need it
Open your shades
Sing together
Share your skills
Take back the night
Turn up the music
Turn down the music
Listen before you react in anger
Mediate a conflict
Seek to understand
Learn from new and uncomfortable angles
Know that no one is silent though many are not heard. Work to change this.
Ways to Slow Down
Turn off your TV
Leave your house
Know your neighbors
Look up when you are walking
Greet people
Sit on your front stoop
Plant flowers
Use your library
Play together
Buy local
Share what you have
Help a lost dog
Take children to the park
Garden together
Support neighborhood schools
Fix it even if you didn’t break it
Have pot lucks
Honor elders
Pick up litter
Read stories aloud
Dance in the street
Talk to the mail carrier
Listen to the birds
Put up a swing
Help carry something heavy
Barter for your goods and services
Start a tradition
Ask a question
Hire young people for odd jobs
Organize a block party
Bake/Cook extra and share
Ask for help when you need it
Open your shades
Sing together
Share your skills
Take back the night
Turn up the music
Turn down the music
Listen before you react in anger
Mediate a conflict
Seek to understand
Learn from new and uncomfortable angles
Know that no one is silent though many are not heard. Work to change this.
Being a Slow Parenting Mama
Today my mum suggested I think about using a child minder - my eyes nearly popped out of my head! She said because she believes my little boy is very full on and I needed to look after my health! I could not be in better shape and I personally don't find my little one full one. So it got me thinking - she never used a childminder/nanny for me so it must be something about society today that has crept into her consciousness.
What is it about today's society that we just find so hard to be at home, happily pottering around with our young? I keep having visions of a mama happily yet exhausted, sitting in a chair, feet up at the end of the day, having done a full days work of caring for her family. I think this vision is what I am aspiring to. A day with small people is full on, it can be fun, exhausting, exhilarating, hilarious, frustrating and a hundred other explanations but isn't this what it is all about? More full on than any job I know and also more rewarding than any job I know. I'm proud at the end of the day to be an exhausted mama, I'm proud to have given my time to raising this small person to the best of my abilities. I won't always get it right but I will give it everything I have got - why wouldn't I?
For me, if I felt like I needed extra help I would definitely start looking up on-line ways to entertain in the most natural, simple of ways of how to spend the day. Using nature as my main focus. Nature for me symbolises slow parenting. There is constant change and growth yet underneath it all is a slow, gentle rhythm surrounded by beauty and a sense of being held in a way I wish I could feel held every day.
In being a Slow Parenting Mama I strive to create the above for my small son and hope that by my following this rhythm, he will always feel held, respected and loved, with plenty of laughter thrown in to the mix. xx
What is it about today's society that we just find so hard to be at home, happily pottering around with our young? I keep having visions of a mama happily yet exhausted, sitting in a chair, feet up at the end of the day, having done a full days work of caring for her family. I think this vision is what I am aspiring to. A day with small people is full on, it can be fun, exhausting, exhilarating, hilarious, frustrating and a hundred other explanations but isn't this what it is all about? More full on than any job I know and also more rewarding than any job I know. I'm proud at the end of the day to be an exhausted mama, I'm proud to have given my time to raising this small person to the best of my abilities. I won't always get it right but I will give it everything I have got - why wouldn't I?
For me, if I felt like I needed extra help I would definitely start looking up on-line ways to entertain in the most natural, simple of ways of how to spend the day. Using nature as my main focus. Nature for me symbolises slow parenting. There is constant change and growth yet underneath it all is a slow, gentle rhythm surrounded by beauty and a sense of being held in a way I wish I could feel held every day.
In being a Slow Parenting Mama I strive to create the above for my small son and hope that by my following this rhythm, he will always feel held, respected and loved, with plenty of laughter thrown in to the mix. xx
Listening and Respecting
I'm a big believer in listening to and respecting small, tiny babies needs. Because I think it sets them up to become happy toddlers, teenagers and people. Why? Because as adults we like to be seen and heard and find it infuriating when we are not seem and heard. I'm kind of thinking that when babies are told when to sleep, when to eat, how much to eat etc, we are basically telling them I know best and totally disrespecting them. My thoughts are that we are saying to them, don't trust your instincts listen to me because I know what you need best. Well, do we? Are the toddlers who tantrum really just rebelling, shouting in their own small way "listen to ME!!!!" My own small experience (and from listening to others who have parented in the slow parenting way vs I know best way) is that babies and toddlers who are slow parented don't seem to tantrum, cry, be described as needy anything like those who are parented in the other way. Hummmm food for thought.
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