Shift in consciousness

I write these blogs partly for me and partly to want to help others. BUT I have had a giant shift in consciousness - from out of the blue - puff - just like that - totally taken me by surprise I have to say. Rather loving it I also have to say - no more addictions (sugar and spending), just happy being me, and also no need to want to help others in particular. A relief that is a peaceful relief - my heart smiles from deep within me. So I may not write for a while because I don't really have a need to write - or to search for something else to fulfil me, I am just happy living my life, raising my babes in the slow fashion, pottering around, doing this and that. And if you like living in the fast lane, cool, do it - as long as it works for you. So, so long, farewell, see you around sometime. Thanks for reading my words. May love and blessings fulfil you and your families, Nixie xox

Saying Yes instead of No

I was struck today at how often children say 'no' to things we want them to do and how much frustration it can cause with parents and children alike. I am hugely grateful that due to a random experiment I carried out on my now 3 year old that I managed to mostly get around this problem. My theory was that small children are like parrots, coping everything we do and say, so if we are forever saying, no don't do that, no don't climb up there - the first word they hear is no - so no wonder they are going to say no a lot! Instead of saying no, I just used to say something like, "yes, we can do that later but not now", or "why don't I help you with that", or "I have a feeling that... might happen if you do what you are about to do, why don't we do it like that" etc etc etc. It paid off. My son said and still says yes more than no - although today he did say no about 10 times in a row! Anyway, food for thought. May love and grace fulfil your families xxxx

Giving Time

My little nearly 3 year old spends one day a week at Forest School - today in fact - Thursday. He loves it. However, I also noticed (and have noticed previously) that he tends to play up at bath and bed time on these days more than the other days and then penny just dropped! I haven't been appreciating how big a deal it is for him (or any child for that matter) to have this day away from home. I remember reading in The Science of Parenting that our babies/childs brain is being overloaded regularly from all sensory angles (which is why they have a tendency to melt down/tantrum). And so the penny dropping was me realising that I need to give him more time on these days. Common sense really but being a mum is busy and full on and little things like this can so easily be missed. So, note to self on Thursdays more Mamma cuddles, more Mamma snuggling after stories and staying with him until he drops of to sleep.

Patience!

Patience - this is what I need in bucket loads - doesn't every parent?! As it took 7 years for us to have our first baby I feel that my patience levels were well and truly tested - and there must have been a good reason for this. Today I learnt why! In my eyes we are blessed to live in the country-side and we walk every day. But today my 2.5 year old pushed me to all limits - wanting a particular ball when we had already started our walk without it, throwing the ball for the dog, the dog loosing it, both going to find it, then throwing the ball into brambles which (I had hoped that he had remembered, but clearly not) that the dog will not go into brambles. Lost ball, lots and lots of why? questions. This start of our walk should have taken 30 seconds instead it took 20 minutes!!!! (I also had our 10wk old baby on a sling in my chest - he is not light!)

There are several things that I brought to my mind to remember:
1. I strongly believe that experiences that we have as babies and children create our adult selves consciously and sub-consciously, so I am feeling very sensitive to how I respond to my 2.5 year old - how would I like to be treated and talked to? I read somewhere to treat our children like Ambassadors - wow this was going to be testing when all I wanted to shout was COME ONNNNNNN - not exactly the kind of thing you would shout at an Ambassador! Well, it kind of makes sense, if I am nice to him I have a greater chance that he will be nice to me - and to his fellow human beings. But later in our walk he kicked the dog- for no reason (who is only nice to him) and decided I needed to explain about Karma for the hundredth time! As per usual why? comes the reply - fair enough.

2. Another thing I read was all children, particularly boys are like little scientists. This helps me a lot when he does things that I think "really? did you really have to do that?" "yes" comes the reply in the sweetest most innocent little voice. So, silently saying to myself, he is only a little scientist seems to help my state of mind.

3. I am his primary role model. I am particularly aware that he is in full copy mode at the moment - repeating like a parrot. So if I shout at him, treat him like a little cave man, he will only carry on being like a little cave man shouting at me. Not what I want. So, when I want to shout WHYYYYYY are you doing what ever it is he is doing that I don't want him to be doing I stop myself, take a breath and think how would I like to be talked to? Often I refer to that great saying, "keep calm and carry on"

4. Responding vs reacting. Often we parents are tired, patience is very low and it is so so easy to react to something. So I yet again keep my self in check by taking a deep breath and do my upmost to respond rather than react. On our return journey home from this walk, he stops and looks at some sticks, I keep walking knowing that it is basically tea time, the baby is unsettled and I want to get home, so I keep shouting at him, "come on" hoping and praying that he will just follow. Of course not - I can see a little hand waving in the air and I know he is shouting "hold my hand" and I am raising my voice - partly as I am now quite far away and also out of frustration. Frustration kicks in and I go and get him, "urrrrrrrrrr" I want to shout and I say in quite a cross voice why didn't you just walk towards me? "Because I wanted to hold your hand Mama" Deep breath - OK fair enough I think, how can I get cross with that? There will come a point when I will want to hold his hand and he definitely won't want to be holding mine.

xx

Hanging out with our newborn.

Oh the Joys of a newborn. I just love these rare moments of squeaking, feeding, snuffling, little eyes blinking at the lights, faces, new sounds, the softness of touch of fingers and toes, the drinking of milk, the slurping noises to let mamma know that he wants some milk, the sleeping on my chest, the snuggling in at my neck. Oh I feel blessed to be witness and part of this gift of new life.

This blog reminds me to notice each moment and to live mindfully and slowly because this is the last time that I will be a part of this wonderment called living with a new born. Parenthood is such a gift, such a joy, such a wonder and to be really present and to just hang out with my new born is indeed a gift.

The fact that is it also such a exhausting experience makes me think that of course, by making us, the parents, exhausted makes us stay at home, take life slowly and enjoy what we have right in front of us. Unless of course they are howlers and then its another story!

oxoxoxo

A Balanced Snack

Up until fairly recently we have been a pretty much sugar free household. If I do use sugar I use palm sugar, maple syrup, rice malt or small amounts of honey. All sweet snacks have been out of the question for my 2.5 yrs old as I just don't believe that children need sugar in their diet and there is masses of research out there to say why.

BUT as he has turned 2.5 yrs old, I realise that life is all about balance and if I say no too much to any one thing I think it would only create a craving or a longing in that area.

After playing out in the woods on a cold, winter, sunny day, we came home and had my ideal snack which I thought I would share:

A Hot Chock -made with raw milk, raw cacao and raw honey - lightly heated
Some goji berries
A 'Dada' biscuite - a digestive which is my husbands favourite and anything that he loves our son also loves!

I say my ideal because I love anything raw - it is still full of goodness. The digestive is the balance and the goji berries - well we all know how good these are for us.

Yum yum to mind body and soul!
xxx

Children's Needs at Christmas

As Christmas is approaching I can't help being drawn into the buy buy buy frenzy that seems to pick up energy as the big day approaches. I am also fighting it like crazy! I like the idea of St. Nicholas, the Saint who was a giver, who on the 5th comes and gives one present in a pair of shoes. I like the idea of one present on Christmas day, symbolising giving a present to a new baby, and I like the idea of the 6th of January when the 3 kings came to visit Christ each bringing a gift, for this to be another moment of giving. So why then do we give stockings full of presents to our children who lets face it don't really need any more 'stuff'?

Then, today I got triggered by a small boy wanting his dad to fill up his little 'car' with petrol, now these people are lovely lovely people, money isn't flowing in their life so why does this little boy (aged 5) have this, what I imagine to be expensive car? I know its fun bla, bla, bla BUT he doesn't need it. He next comes running out with a gun - if you have been reading my blog you can imagine my thoughts immediately one this one! 5 year olds DON'T need toy guns that make horrid very un-gun like noises. Their souls are still so innocent, so beautiful, and unless they are going to be a hunter why give it to them? THEN he says to my 2.5 year old do you want to come and see all my videos and games!!! I have to laugh at myself at this point. Again NOOOOOO look around you, look at the country we are surrounded by - we don't need these things. Just the same, girls don't need barbies with anorexic looking bodies, etc etc.

What shouts at me is what is all this un-needed 'stuff' doing to the sub-conscious part of our children's brains, psyche, and their souls?

We seem to have lost the art in how to be creative with our children. I have recently found some great 'how to' books for children in our local charity shop which has inspired me and my 2.5 year old to makes things which we then put on display and he LOVES looking at them, showing his father and grandparents so proudly what we have made. Surely isn't this more enriching for the soul, for building a relationship with our children, for inspiring the creative part of their brian for life?

From now on I am going to endeavor to teach my children about the giving Saint, St. Nicholas, celebrating the birth of baby Jesus and the gifts of the 3 kings, by buying small, hopefully supporting ethical producers and useful gifts that are needed rather than just wanted for 5 minutes and then forgotten about!

So getting back to the needs of our children, in my book what they really, really need not just at Christmas (but maybe this is a time for reflection on how we can give in other ways other than throwing cash at the problem) is love, attention, to be listened to, respected, felt heard, laughing and playing with their parents, sunggling and reading stories. Running outside, observing nature, splashing in puddles, eating nourishing food and feeling part of a loving family.

Mama Love,
Nixie