Patience - this is what I need in bucket loads - doesn't every parent?! As it took 7 years for us to have our first baby I feel that my patience levels were well and truly tested - and there must have been a good reason for this. Today I learnt why! In my eyes we are blessed to live in the country-side and we walk every day. But today my 2.5 year old pushed me to all limits - wanting a particular ball when we had already started our walk without it, throwing the ball for the dog, the dog loosing it, both going to find it, then throwing the ball into brambles which (I had hoped that he had remembered, but clearly not) that the dog will not go into brambles. Lost ball, lots and lots of why? questions. This start of our walk should have taken 30 seconds instead it took 20 minutes!!!! (I also had our 10wk old baby on a sling in my chest - he is not light!)
There are several things that I brought to my mind to remember:
1. I strongly believe that experiences that we have as babies and children create our adult selves consciously and sub-consciously, so I am feeling very sensitive to how I respond to my 2.5 year old - how would I like to be treated and talked to? I read somewhere to treat our children like Ambassadors - wow this was going to be testing when all I wanted to shout was COME ONNNNNNN - not exactly the kind of thing you would shout at an Ambassador! Well, it kind of makes sense, if I am nice to him I have a greater chance that he will be nice to me - and to his fellow human beings. But later in our walk he kicked the dog- for no reason (who is only nice to him) and decided I needed to explain about Karma for the hundredth time! As per usual why? comes the reply - fair enough.
2. Another thing I read was all children, particularly boys are like little scientists. This helps me a lot when he does things that I think "really? did you really have to do that?" "yes" comes the reply in the sweetest most innocent little voice. So, silently saying to myself, he is only a little scientist seems to help my state of mind.
3. I am his primary role model. I am particularly aware that he is in full copy mode at the moment - repeating like a parrot. So if I shout at him, treat him like a little cave man, he will only carry on being like a little cave man shouting at me. Not what I want. So, when I want to shout WHYYYYYY are you doing what ever it is he is doing that I don't want him to be doing I stop myself, take a breath and think how would I like to be talked to? Often I refer to that great saying, "keep calm and carry on"
4. Responding vs reacting. Often we parents are tired, patience is very low and it is so so easy to react to something. So I yet again keep my self in check by taking a deep breath and do my upmost to respond rather than react. On our return journey home from this walk, he stops and looks at some sticks, I keep walking knowing that it is basically tea time, the baby is unsettled and I want to get home, so I keep shouting at him, "come on" hoping and praying that he will just follow. Of course not - I can see a little hand waving in the air and I know he is shouting "hold my hand" and I am raising my voice - partly as I am now quite far away and also out of frustration. Frustration kicks in and I go and get him, "urrrrrrrrrr" I want to shout and I say in quite a cross voice why didn't you just walk towards me? "Because I wanted to hold your hand Mama" Deep breath - OK fair enough I think, how can I get cross with that? There will come a point when I will want to hold his hand and he definitely won't want to be holding mine.
xx
